“Rainbow Road,” Ranked
What’s a random song that makes you cry?
I’m not talking about a minor-key tearjerker written to elicit that reaction (see also: soaring power ballads) or even something you have a deep personal connection to. I’m talking about a song that makes you cry that makes no one else you known cry. I’m talking about the ones where you have to explain the tears, if you’re even able to. I’ve got a couple of them, but among the weirdest is “Rainbow Road.” Yeah, from Mario Kart. No, I don’t know why.
I want to get this out of the way: I will not be talking about any of the Mario Kart tracks named Rainbow Road. I have historically been and continue to be, at best, a casual gamer. So casual, in fact, that I have barely played the console-casual greatest hits, Mario Kart included. The first edition of Mario Kart I ever owned was the edition that came bundled with my first Nintendo Switch. I’m not even that great at Mario Kart. But boy do I love the songs, and I love “Rainbow Road” most of all.
I want to get this out of the way too: I’m not even going to be talking most versions of “Rainbow Road.” I’m going to be talking about what I consider to be the canonical version of “Rainbow Road,” which is the version from Mario Kart 64, released in 1996, composed by the great Kenta Nagata. This is the version of the song that, for reasons I have yet to identify, makes me cry. If a friend were to ever cast me in a movie, and my character had to cry, I would think think of one of three things to achieve the effect. One is “Europe Endless” by Kraftwerk (don’t ask, I do not know why, all I know is that it does). One is Colorado Avalanche captain Joe Sakic passing the Stanley Cup to teammate Ray Bourque in 2001 (this one I know why: I think achieving the ultimate goal in your vocation during your last try is very moving). And one is “Rainbow Road.” Fuck the Method, I have Mario Kart.
I do want to give the other versions of “Rainbow Road” a bit of shine. So with that, we move on to the…
BONUS RANKING: ARANGEMENTS OF “RAINBOW ROAD,” RANKED
9. Mario Kart: Super Circuit (Game Boy Advance, 2001)
The arrangements bringing up the rear are victims of hardware limitations. There’s a killer Jaco-y bass line on this one, but arranging for the GBA means you are sacrificing tons of melodic and harmonic depth. Credit where credit is due: this version starts with a nice interpolation of…
8. Super Mario Kart (SNES, 1992)
I can’t disrespect the OG by putting it last, but again, hardware limitations. This version is a jittery electropop tune with an awesome, cheesy synth brass pad leading the melody. It deserves the electo-funk or Italo-disco treatment in a future Mario Kart game.
7. Mario Kart DS (Nintendo DS, 2003)
This arrangement begins a run of dancier theme for our favourite spectral racetrack. It’s busy but not all that hooky, but I love how filthy that synth bass sounds.
6. Mario Kart Wii (Wii, 2008)
The Wii version splits the difference between the MIDI sounds of yesteryear and the minimal-techno “Rainbow Road” arrangements of the 2000s. It has a Y2K utopian feel, tubular bells, and a cool key change. If the nine themes were a boy band, this would the cute one.
5. Mario Kart World (Switch 2, 2025)
This one being this high might betray by preference for fuller, studio-quality arrangements. Honestly, I just like that they wrote a 17-minute suite for this version: jazz fusion into progressive folk-rock into 90s-style arena techno and back. This is a very maximalist arrangement, and I am to understand that this reflects the winding, Easter egg-filled version of the track in this game.
4. Mario Kart: Double Dash (GameCube, 2003)
I really like the warm organ in the rhythm section. I fucking love the interpolation of the N64 version.
3. Mario Kart 8 (Wii U, 2014)
Orchestral techno, filthy bass, sick electric guitar leads, Price Is Right synthesizers. Great stuff, Nintendo house band.
2. Mario Kart 7 (Nintendo 3DS, 2011)
This version has the best feel of the bunch. Those synth leads are perfect. It's almost a shame that it interpolates the N64 version because up until then, this is the version of the song that best emulated the '96 version without directly referencing it (save perhaps those bass triplets).
1. Mario Kart 64 (Nintendo 64, 1996)
Of all the versions of “Rainbow Road,” the Mario Kart 64 version has my favourite arrangement. The melody, the galloping-triplet bass line, the to-the-heavens guitar on the second go-round. I can pinpoint where I start crying to the bar. It's bar 24 into bar 25. There's just something happening on a harmonic or melodic level that reduces me to mush. Maybe someone who knows a thing or three about music theory can enlighten me. But until that time, I will be moved to tears and baffled by those same tears every time I hear those telltale MIDI pan flutes.
So.
There are three versions of this version of “Rainbow Road,” which is surprising because if I wrote the “Stairway to Heaven” of video game themes, I would stick it in every nook and cranny of every game I’m involved in. Here’s how they stack up against each other.
THE MAIN EVENT: N64 RAINBOW ROADS, RANKED
3. Mario Kart World
This is the arena-sized fusion version of the theme, with the lead melody being jazzed up and carried by what sounds like a Lyricon (if you’ve heard “Home at Last” by Steely Dan, you’ve heard a Lyricon). This version sounds gigantic.
2. Mario Kart 64
The original recipe always tastes good. If I were to nitpick, I’d say that that I can’t hear MIDI electric guitar leads without thinking of “Brodyquest,” but that’s my problem.
1. Mario Kart 8
Heresy? Perhaps. If the MK64 version is tasty 16mm, this version is IMAX. The main melody is established by that most tearjerking of instruments, a solo trumpet, before being joined in my more brass and an electric guitar. The only way that melody could be any more stirring is if it were played on a pedal steel guitar. This version of the theme is what happens when you get a bunch of jazz fusion studio aces to gussy up something that was composed on a MIDI sequencer in the 90s. Dig that slapping on the bass triplets, too.
Well shit. I’ve written all theses words and I’m no closer to elucidating why “Rainbow Road” N64 Edition makes me cry. Maybe it’s a form of aspiration: crossing Europe by train, as immortalized by Kraftwerk, is as unattainable to me as crossing the galaxy by go-kart. Maybe my brain has flattened tautology into fact: it makes me cry because it makes me cry. Maybe trying to explain it isn’t the way to go about this. I should just keep feeling it.