Feelings-Based Outcomes
“This is a thing I'm working on as a parent, in both directions: embracing the idea that you're not responsible for somebody else's feelings. You are responsible for your own actions and the consequences of them, but like— my daughter is at the age where when she does something she's not supposed to do, she really obsesses over, like, 'are you mad at me?' And my answer is not yes or no. My answer is 'You are not responsible for my feelings.' Like, I am responsible for my feelings. I have to deal with them, I have to, sort of like, carry them with me and cope with them. But, like, you can't live life trying to manifest feelings-based outcomes in other people, because it's just out of your control. You should be a thoughtful person, a good member of your community, an empathetic person, a good listener, all of those things. But none of those things guarantee that someone will like you, will be happy with you, will be happy with themselves, because you can't— that is the thing you can't control. You can control your own behaviour, and not somebody else's feelings. That, to me, is, like, behind a lot of this. It's like, 'how do I keep somebody from being mad at me?' You can't! You really can't. You can just try to make good decisions because they're what feel comfortable to you.” —Ryan Nanni, Shutdown Fullcast, 2021-11-24 [x]